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Short overview goncharenko-2025-3-23-overview
NOT FINAL, IN PROGRESS.
See the main page for possible topics. Any other suggestions are welcome.
I will go over the points from the previous talk, they are of use in general and these points are how I live and they explain some of my views on life in Ukraine.
So my list of life is about happiness, not worrying, not being afraid etc. and at the first meeting one woman asked me whether I was ever depressed: Yes, I had that in my secondary school days. This was strange to her, but that time was for me not just about enjoying life as it may have been for others, not a care free life because I wanted to get somewhere, go study physics. I felt the whole school system was too slow. At school I was bored to death and as I only had 1 friend at that time my experience of this time was different than for most children. I was more happy during the time of studying physics at university. I never had real depressions after school. I felt a bit down sometimes, which went away quickly which means that my desire to be busy with work and hobbies quickly returned.
This to me is logical because when you are out of school you are more in control of your own life, whereas in school you are really guided through life and barely have choices except for sports/hobbies.,
Perhaps in another meeting I can go over people writing self-help books and groups doing meditation, why in my view they fail at making all this clear to everyone. They cannot properpy explain what is needed to make people realise why exaclty 'problems' should not be problems, but should be considered simply a task (like a simple school homework assignment), nothing more, and the complete overview of course if about not just 'the now' but the past and future and I mentioned why it doesn't make sense to be negative about the past ('regret'), the the future ('worrying')
Negative emotions are signals that you need to make a change in your life (change = take some action, or change your thinking).
How to look at the past, and not have regrets: Each time you think about the past:
How to look at worrying (with a 'problem'), each time you have problem:
Worrying has been reduced to having a 'problem', so then we can continue: How to look at 'problems' as not problems but challenges, so not something negative but simply life, something to which you need to find a solution, nothing more. No negative feeling.
There are 3 stages to go from seeing 'problems' to 'just something I need to deal with':
You can also look at negatives as positive. A woman whom I knew years ago made a comment once about love: "If you love someone then you will love someone's bad qualities". I later realised it was correct, and it is not just accepting bad qualities, but it can be actually appreciating them, which may seem strange but these are examples with which I feel it:
Note that the 2nd point does not mean that I want to smell cigarette smoke all the time! :) I mean that the occsasional smell of cigarettes walking on the street is negative for me in NL, and positive for me in Ukraine...
So, not worrying, not seeing problems as negative (but only as a challenge). If you tried, did it help? I will ask again the next meeting.
This is just a brief view on the issues in NL and what I see as better in Ukraine, to do it justice I think I need 2 hours. But this week is a brief recap of my "List of life" + views on Ukraine and the Netherlands only for the purpose to make you see the positive points of Ukraine.
Last time I mentioned the colourful buildings in Ukraine and someone said "Really?", which comes I think from not realising it from seeing it every day. For example the building next to this building is yellow + white. I don't think I've seen anything like that in teh Netherlands...
On the train to Przemysl on 7 January 2025, I talked to a student who was studying in Poland. I talked with him about various topics and told him what I like in Ukraine.He was positively surprised and it made him look differently at various aspects of Ukraine. In the previous talk of 2025-3-16 this happened with some people too when I talked about what I like in Ukraine, which were part of what made me decide to live in Ukraine, and I want to do that more in this talk/discussion. At each point you want to ask something or feel you need translation, raise your hand so that Vlad can help. I encourage others beside those attending to help also when this is useful.
First question: what do you think is better about life in the Netherlands, or other countries in western Europe?
I sort of know the answer, it will be about money, the economic situation, and from that: Quality of life.
But is life really much better there? Well, it depends on your mindset, on what you want in life.
A big problem in the Netherlands is that it is densely inhabited which has resulted in housing shortages and very high prices of land. There is more opportunity in Ukraine by saving for some years then buying land to use for growing crops or to build your own house.
Rules are very strict in the Netherlands, much less so in Ukraine which again gives more freedom, personally but also in business.
There are also issues in society itself, such as women becoming too much like men: Women wanted to be so much equal to men that they became like men in various aspects. This doesn't seem to have happened in Ukraine, possibly because women never had to fight for equality, feminism in a sense wasn't needed and there is something very important in feminism: Think about this: Feminists were trying to achieve something, but for whom?
Question: What do you think is the answer?
The reason has to do with people for whom they are trying to make changes: Do they actually care about those people or do they care about the ideals? It is the same answer as with many people/groups who want to improve the world, they care about ideals, they do not accept different views and do not understand that people need different ways to live according to personality but also according to being a man or woman, because men and women are very different. This is what makes it intersting but what can also make life difficult, precisely the differences can and do cause misunderstandings...
XXX The reasons for this situation are what I call psychopathic structures in society, I will not go into this here, but it is part of what I realised many years ago, which caused the change in mindset, and it caused further changes that you see these days which seem to make sense or seem to be good but which are in fact not good but anti-social, oppressive. I will just mention this, as there are clear reasons, and I will explain this in my project to be published later.
The result of this is also a mindset that is to focussed on work, in particular for women. Woemn are different than men, and some sections of psychologists know this, other parts of psychology think this is something caused by how you were brought up (as a boy or girl), which is total nonsens as can be shown with easy examples.
An issue in the Netherlands is that people seem to never have any time free. I've seen wedding invitations to a relative, for 6 months ahead, that stated "We don't know yet where it will be, nut keep this date free", because otherwise people are busy with hobbies, sport, and they don't seem to want to give those up.
In Ukraine people have a closer relationship with family in many cases, in the Netherlands it is more distant. The family gatherings I visited were mostly negative. People whining about various issues in life, while having everything they want.
This topic is really complex and I prepared a long talk for 2018 in Kharkov, which my friend 'M' was supposed to arrange then, and I think this could be an interesting talk/discussion, but I will need to think a bit on what to tell, and what is useful/interesting for you. Note that I am interested in any feedback, questions, criticisms. You can contact me via email or other methods and give your views or ask mine on anything, that would be useful becaus eI am trying to get as close as I can to the truth, to reality, so I want to improve my understanding.
A few examples of interest/disinterest: In the Netherlands on a long bicycle trip, with 370 kg of luggage in 4 bags, 2 on the front, 2 on the rear, + back pack, there was barely any interest from Duthcmen, whereas people in Germany asked me where I was going. But in Germany for example asking for water at a house, the woman who came out was very hesitant, what was she thinking, that I might rob her? I didn't ask but if you approach people they are more reticent, not like in Ukraine. Another time a few people were helpful, for example one guy mentioned a mountain cabin where I could stay the night and he mentioned the next morning there was a pssibility to get some fresh milk or something. I felt bad one day, stomach issue, and was relaxing, lying in the grass and someone came over to ask whether I was ok. In Poland people seem different again from Ukraine, not smiling and having fun so much as I see here everywhere, in parks, people sitting outside near a cafe etc.
XXX One thing to discuss is starting a business, which is a bit easier, with less strict adherence to rules, in Ukraine than in the Netherlands. There can be in particular issues with using a house as a business location. In the Netherlands I used my house as a business location, but, it had previously been designated as and used as a business location... This is something Vlad will go into in part 2, the work group section.
More to come, in progress...
I want to show in this section some interesting places in Ukraine and compare a little with the Netherlands. What I particularly like are old mosaics on buildings and bu stops, but also painted bus stops, murals, etc. The variation in bus stops is amazing: One in a style that makes me think of Hawaii in Berdyansk, one in Japanese style in in Bila Tserkva (*), some are painted in various places, many have mosaics in many different styles from simplistic to very intricate with even 3 dimensional shapes as in a bus stop near xxx (on the way from Sumy to Kremenchuk, before Poltava) and the styles of mosaics are usually folk art, whereas in the Netherlands I don't recall seeing anything except boring glass + metal bus stops.
(*) By the way, I use both Russian and Ukrainian names of cities, it depends on when I got to be in a city, and one issue with using Ukrainian names is that then I don't know how to properly change the ending because that works a bit differently than in Russian, and I don't want to confuse myself too much until I know more Ukrainian, so I prefer not to change even in English, for now. Bila Tserkva vs. Belaya Tserkov for example, and transliteration into English is another problem caused by how messy English is in its rules.
Tea + bread + some Ukrainian delicacies for on bread.
Keep in mind:
A practical way to better see opportunities in life and to more appreciate what you have, to realise good points that you possibly don't realise are good points in (your) life. From hobbies, interests, to for example start a business. I will wait for Vlad's ideas/description on how he wants to do this practical part.
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