Goncharenko centre Lviv, 2025-11-13: Doing effort to improve your life: Making time

Post event notes (such as clarifications, additions): These are in blue, mixed with the prepared text.

Translation: auto translation of this page into Ukrainian

Introduction, overview page for the meeting of 2025-11-13

Welcome to the tea club, 3rd meeting!

[ A lot of the following prepared text was not dealt with in the meeting, I said it would be a reference for attendees to later read and think about. If you did not attend then you can also think about and answer the questions and think about how tour andwers fit with the rest of my text and how you could use my suggestions. ]

Now continuing, first these questions (ask everyone) which are related to doing effort:

Making time

Some people mentioned not having enough time, in meeting 1 and 2, and I said the same, there was so much to do this year after buying a house, that I couldn't do everything. I delayed doing a lot of stuff, and generally I do not make quick decisions (about anything: what to do, what to buy, etc.), I let things simmer in my mind until I know what I want or what I think is best. This is background processing, it saves you time... Note that regarding making a decision, time limited offers do not work on me: I buy what I buy when I want to buy it. If there is an offer I buy only if I already decided to buy that thing.

I also mentioned removing distractions in relation to procrastination. The videos on youtube that I watched talk only about distractions in relation to not getting to what you want/need to do, but distractions also cost you time, in 2 ways. Not just time spent on that distraction, but also it already costs time to switch between things that you do. Do not check social media notifications all the time, for example. When you get distracted it may be with a topic that is not so important to you and you spend time say watching a video which is not useful, solely for the purpose of "It is not the task that I need to do" when procrastinating. The same goes for advertisements, these waste your time. This is why I suggested Brave browser for web browsing and revanced for youtube on Android (With the revanced manager for Android you can also download modified versions of other apps that remove advertisements, such as for tiktok, X/twitter, spotify, twitch, reddit).

In one video on youtube a guy said that people generally do have enough time but they spend it on things that are not useful. I think that that is often true though there needs to be a balance. Not everything should be about reaching goals. You can and should take time to relax. But, look at what you do in your spare time (not work). Can you optimise it, do you really enjoy all the activities? If not then stop doing them (some may be habits, so it may take some time to break those habits).

Saving time:

Think in your head while doing something else for which you don't need much attention, to coming tasks and prepare mentally so you can do it more quickly when you get to it. It also helps to get over delaying that task because in fact you already started with it, so the initial hurdle is far lower... You can do that while in the bus, on the train, while doing something like mowing the grass, while cycling. I used to do this a lot in NL: prepare emails, ideas, in my head, while cycling. I still do it but a bit less in Ukraine.

I mentioned that decisions can be made after a while, using background processing. If you need to make a choice on say an oven to buy, then after going over options, leave it, then a few days later get back and internally in the background you likely know what is the best choice. This saves time and effort...

From the meeting

I added information that removing distractions such as notifications from social media (I suggested to switch off sounds, then deal with all notifications in one go later in the evening), which besides not spending so much time on distractions, saves you time from less task switching (each task switch costs time, it is not just time spent on a distraction but the switching of attention itself that costs time, though, as one attendee pointed out correctly, this is less so for women). Further I laid the connection with cleaning up and throwing things away: They declutter your mind, you are more relaxed, it is better for you and thus also better for concentration on tasks that are important, or, if these tasks are for your interests/hobbies/sports only for which you do not need to abide by outside rules (such as in a job, for a study, in which there are rules and deadlines set by other people), it means you have more time for things that are for you more interesting.

Then to the tea break. I took from "Tea moments" the excellent "Citrus love" with me, some fresh bread from a big Silpo ca. 5 km from the centre, with jam with orange and jam with pomegranate, plus halva with caramel (which I only found in Avrora in some of their stores, only 1 in Kremenchuk and 1 so far in Lviv). It is one of my favourite types of halva. An attendee then suggested to try a type called жайвір халва. She said I should be able to find it at for example an Auchan (Ашан) but I didn't find it at the one near the big Epicentrk about 7 km from the centre.

We got talking about for example a sort of snacks from long ago in Ukraine: Make bread wet (how much?) and then put sugar on it and take it outside (to go play or do sports etc.). So the sugar would become a bit like a thin syrup then on the bread? He also suggested to take honey with him next meeting. Ok, I will take fresh bread again and jam and another type of tea.

Then to what the topic for next meeting could be. I wasn't sure yet. Perhaps interesting experiences in Ukraine? (from my bicycle trips)

About the purpose of these meetings and in Kremenchuk: Correspondence between me and a translator from (near) Kremenchuk

I will tell the following for the purpose of making more clear why I am organising these meetings:

I said in the meeting that the attendees may consider the following exchange of messages a bit depressing, but it seems to have made clear to them why I organise these meetings and what I am trying to achieve.

[ This is an exchange related to the meetings that I organised in the Goncharenko centre in Kremenchuk: ]

[ This is correct, it is something I wrote in my "list of life", more generally you must invest in some way, do effort before you get something or pay for it, then you value what you get for that, much more.
See in my list of life, points:
(3.9) If you want change in your life: "God helps those who help themselves".
(4.4) Is your effort useful?: “Do not cast your pearls before swine”. This means: If people are not ready for change then trying to make them see that will waste your time and it will annoy them.
See also (3.10) about organising your life. ]

One of the attendees starting laughing and said that it was meant as "it won't work". Yes indeed...

[ About correct English: Note that 'to watch' is the correct verb, but 'to see' is very often used about videos/TV/films instead. ]

[ I thought,: Yes, that is correct, but still I want to see what can be changed, and I am not convinced that it has to go this way, and thus that it is a rule. ]

One of the attendees recalled what happened when he studied, he was looking out of the window and the lecturer called him out on it, that he was getting free classes and he was not using that opportunity as much as he should. He then said the facial expression of the lecturer stood out to him. "A look of disappointment?" I asked. "Yes".

An exercise in analysing people

I did not tell the following in the meeting, but read it and try to imagine what sort of woman she is (it is a good exercise to improve your understanding of people).

So, I have been somewhat disappointed in Kremenchuk, but some responses on the Telegram channel for the meetings there were more disappointing, and some recent ones downright disgusting, from being anti-social and manipulative. I may make a separate page about this but I will start with just mentioning the following:

On the Telegram channel for the meetings in Kremenchuk I posted the above exchange of messages, as I wanted to make more clear my goal, and someone replied there:

I will tell what I replied in the meeting... [ The text is in my text editor (purewriter) ]

[ I didn't get round to tell her message nor what I replied, but this woman's reactions are anti-social. She thinks she knows it all, such as about different behaviour of men and women, but she knows nothing about that. She tries to force her views onto me, she makes invalid assertions about what topics were dealt with in her 2nd reply. I will post her 2nd reply and my final reply later. I decided that I will never interact with her again. This is, as not watching ads, a choice that helps me to focus on important things in life. ]

What do you want?

I want to know what you are interested in these talks. I mentioned that for me there has to be a topic, and not something superficial, which means not just "in the moment reactions" to what I say, but something deeper. Suppose for the next meeting someone suggests a topic, are you then willing to prepare, by thinking about it, or talk about it with friends, or watch a video on youtube and think about what in it makes sense? And then write down your thoughts so you don't forget them and can tell them in the meeting :)

Background information

[ I mentioned in the meeting that I would not talk about the rest of this page, but leave it for everyone at the meeting, to later read and think about. In the meeting I only talked about some of the key points on long term goals, keeping interest, not expecting instant improvements in your knowledge/abilities: ]

Going deeper into doing effort and procrastination (for yourself to read)

It was in me, for example when I was little I remember thinking when seeing someone on the street while in a bus "what would his life be like, what is he thinking?". (this is in fact empathy-analysis...)
(there are 3 main types of analysis)

I mentioned in the first meeting that I got into the topics of psychology, self help and manipulation, after experiencing anti-social behaviour and manipulation from people working for airport Schiphol and related companies/agencies/groups, and in programming.

Later I got talking and writing to people in Ukraine and started writing down all my thoughts about anything which was the start of my project in earnest, about different thinking of men and women, and much more.

[ side note: Do you, or I, need to know any of this? Well, no but you can say the same for any topic: Is mathematics needed for example? No, you can live a life without any formal education, but people are curious and so here we are at this point... The force in advances in society, education, is curiosity, people may seek knowledge to make money, but at heart, research is out of curiosity. ]

I am not interested in status, wealth, and not much in pleasure, so not what most people want according to Irvine in "A guide to the good life" (about stoicism). What I want is doing interesting things.
[ this is partly why I am having these talks and what made me analyse life, which lead me last year to write my "list of life", that I discussed in the meetings in Kremenchuk ]
I think, actually, that doing interesting things is very important for most people.

Question: What is for you of most importance: wealth, social status, pleasure? Or is there something else that is more important?

All the talks and thinking about life, understanding how people think, are not needed but:

I mentioned that I was disappointed in Kremenchuk with people not doing effort such as reading a book, whereas I do such effort because it is interesting. For this reason I took a break to see whether this mindset can be changed without much effort. I mentioned that you can get rid of worrying for example, but only if you do the small repeated effort that I described of thinking when you worry, that worrying helps no one. Then in time this will turn into awareness and later into a feeling and then the worrying is gone.

Note about worrying: There may be a group effect. You may feel pressured to show that you worry about some people or else others you know think you don't care. Just tell other people what I wrote about it, if that is an issue.

For procrastination it is useful to look at different tasks that you may not like:

Everything in life is a trade-off: to reach a goal you must do effort. Is the effort worth it? That depends on what is important to you.

I mentioned in the 1st meeting that sometimes it is good to do something that you don't like. For example to read a bad book and discuss it with others is good to sharpen your ability to analyse. This makes you do effort, creates mental resilience. But doing or continuing effort is not always useful. Balance in life is important.
(no videos that I watched on youtube about procrastination mention this).

I mentioned in the 1st meeting, and some agreed and gave examples, that it is not needed to never procrastinate.

Just do what is really needed and make life enjoyable, otherwise all you are doing is what 'needs' to be done.
[ as I mentioned in the 1st meeting, there is so much to do after buying a house and setting up a company that I would only do things to reach goals and never relax and do what I really want unless I delay taking care of some tasks, so, I procrastinate and that is fine for those tasks ]
But what is really necessary? Work, taxes, school, university. However, if you don't like what you are doing, you could change your work, your study, if you don't like the required long term effort (and if the prospect of reaching the goal of a study is not good enough)...

I mentioned the following during the 1st meeting in the tea break, but to part of the group, so I will repeat for everyone:
Changing your mindset can come very quickly.
- Example about Lviv: The first time in Lviv I didn't like it, noise from cars riding on cobble stone roads, the parks felt more like sport than relaxation. After being here for longer periods my view changed but my view about some of the very hilly parks stayed the same. Until I went to one of these parks again and I saw a note about the park that it is good for your health and I thought "Aha, I need to view them.as being good for you, as sport!" and my negative view was immediately gone...

I said that avoiding effort is mostly about the start, you think the task may be annoying, or boring, or difficult (It is not about difficulty alone, as all youtube videos that I watched claim). Therefore try to make yourself start, doing just a little, some attendees suggested a 3-2-1 method (on 1 you start doing it, you must already have formed the habit of taking the first step on 1 for this to work), some mentioned that forming habits take time but I said: it depends on your personality. [ Examples about breaking habits which is the same as setting a new habit of not doing the old habit: I instantly stopped taking sugar in my tea long ago, my dad instantly stopped smoking, and stopping is the same as starting, but note that for me habits are never real habits, what I do usually varies all the time, such as when to drink tea. ]

In various situations you just have finish and force yourself, in others there is a time limit. Then you can work hard, into the night, or start earlier. Examples:

You can delay doing these required tasks, but the time limit will force you to do it before a certain date. Doing that just before the deadline is not optimal if you rush. You may not have studied the topic well enough to get a high grade or perhaps you forgot a tax deduction. Thinking "if I finish now then it is behind me, no need to think about it any more", can lead to rushing and then making mistakes.

So:
- Trying to finish a task as quickly as possible can lead to making mistakes. I had that earlier this year with a tax form. I sent it in very early, then realised a few days later (the thought popped into my mind), that I forgot a VAT return, so I had to send in a correction. It was extra work because of earlier not taking enough time before sending it in and making sure I didn't forget anything...
- There is a balance in everything: Start early but take your time. (if you start early then you have the time to let everything sink in and if you are relaxed thoughts should pop in your mind if something else needs to be handled to complete your task...).

An advantage of starting early with studying: I could have enjoyed my time studying physics/mathematics much more with more preparation and engagement...

Starting earlier is better, so why not start earlier? Start doing by doing a little bit of the task for just 10 minutes or so on the first day, then you get in the mood automatically.

Of course it can be that after starting you realise "this film is rubbish!", or "this book is stupid" and so on as I mentioned in the previous meeting, but you can then decide what to do: end watching/reading it or continue. I think the times I continued was always disappointed. Example reading the book "Dandelion wine" by Ray Bradbury, I was waiting for it to get interesting, and at a few points I thought "this is the point where it gets interesting", but it never did. On the other hand with the TV series Stargate, I never followed it until I happened to see an episode with mechanical spiders, replicators, season 3 ep.22. I started watching a few earlier episodes and all later episodes were interesting, it grabbed my attention, and this series continued being interesting. [ episodes before that were not interesting to me ]. Usually there should be something that grabs your attention fairly quickly.

I mentioned that with the book "A guide to the good life" by William Irvine, about stoicism, I had to work hard to read to p.100. I didn't like it but I mentioned it could be interesting in a meeting in Kremenchuk, so I analysed what I read for a while to later discuss it in a meeting, until I had had enough. It was mostly a waste of time (the overview of classical stoicism was enough to not consider it a total waste of time). You need to be able to put in effort to continue with something if the goal is worth it, but really, the road to the goal should be interesting to you. Otherwise, and especially if you don't think after some time that you will reach the goal or that reaching the goal will not be useful, then it may be better to quit. Think about whether and when to quit. Perseverance is not always positive for yourself.

Example on bike rides: how much effort to do? I sometimes shorten the ride, don't go to my original goal, at all, or not until the next day because I feel tired or I am just not in the mood.

Some things take a lot of time/effort in order to get good at it. I will go over some thoughts about some sports and games that I did or do and why I decided to stop or to limit the time I spent on them. You can apply these types of considerations to anything.

Effort, improving yourself:
One point about doing effort is that you may feel it has no or not enough effect (as I had with playing darts). Some things are not directly measurable such as ability in throwing darts, the number of points per 3 darts can vary enormously until you are able to group darts together more consistently. But you know how long it takes to finish a game of 501 to 0, so that is a measure you can use to determine how well or how badly you are playing.

With discus throwing it is different. I am doing that again after many years. Progress is slow but exactly measurable. Getting the right technique and becoming faster/stronger simply takes time. It was slow going too when I first started long ago (when I was 15 or 16), and I enjoy it anyway so this is no problem.

The same goes for anything, such as reading a book, writing a computer program, learning a language.

You need to do effort for school, for work, to become good in sports, in playing games. If the goal but preferably also the road to the goal are to your liking, then you do effort. I presume people here come not just for the tea, so, will you do effort?

Do effort when you feel like it, unlike what you do when you need to have mastered something for work or school (with deadlines). But requirements in school/at university also mean that it is known that you should be able to do them, the teaching structure is based around what is possible (in a given amount of time)... This is not so with sports or hobbies or research. For work, some requirements may be unrealistic as there you will get into unknown territory as part of development, new things, just like in any research, unless your work is standard without much creativity and variation.

So the start of doing something long term, something that needs a lot of time, is just getting into it. After that:

Do you have goals of which you don't like the road, i.e. you don't like the effort that is needed until you reach that goal?

These meetings are the start of a road you can take which is about improving yourself such that you don't let negative things affect you and that you are more aware of everything in life, and what is needed for that is exercise.

I gave examples on the overview page for meetings 2 and 3 in Lviv, and in the 1st meeting in Lviv I talked about: Remove distractions and improve your concentration by focussing and by doing something that you don't like to do.

Just try every day:

try to imagine why someone does or says something. That improves your ability to analyse/reason.

try to let worries go. It takes time, but I have given the recipe in my list of life and it works. From 1) understanding you go to 2) awareness and then to 3) feeling, at which point you mastered it.

About concentration

- This doesn't apply to me. My smart phone is not a distraction. I switched off notifications of for example 'likes' to my comments on youtube. I use it mainly for navigation, secondary purpose is for messages to friends/family (not that many people, not many messages per day), then far less important are: web surfing when I am travelling, and watching and analysing youtube videos. Well, and writing down ideas when I am not at home too but also at home I use my phone these days to write down short ideas, to be expanded later on the PC. At home I prefer to do websurfing and writing on my PC with an IBM clicky keyboard...
- At ca.5 minutes he talks about: the myth of multi tasking: Hmm, I never had the idea that that works, instead I knew that that doesn't work... [ at least for myself and in general men have difficulty with it, women are better at it. ]
- He talks about waiting for stimulation: Nope, I know that I need to create my own stimulation by doing my analyses and making videos in wait for final publication of my project. These videos are up to about 35 minutes, recorded in a single part , so I have everything in my head. I have no problem to concentrate, and in general I do not allow my attention to be taken by useless stuff.
Another example: I wrote 2 large sections about procrastination/doing effort on 2025-10-11 in 1 go... I only have problems watching or reading when a video or book is bad, stupid (and thus the maker is an idiot) and I still want to analyse it to show to others.
Example: the book "A guide to the good life" (Irvine): It took me a long time to read 100 pages while writing down my comments. I took many breaks because the book is so stupid. I only continued reading this much of it for a possible discussion in a meeting.

Then to doing effort making yourself to do hard work. Some people suggest making you reprogram your brain, by giving dopamine for doing hard tasks. But I think it is not needed. It even feels to me strange: you are then battling and trying to fool your brain... For me the change of mindset to not let yourself get negatively influenced (see my list of life) + make yourself start what you need to do for only 10 minutes, gets you started, in the mood, even if it only results in a short activity to then continue it later, this method usually works.

Videos on youtube about procrastination: Some of my comments

Video: How to make doing hard things easier than scrolling youtube

I think more important is to just start, then it goes automatically. [ I expanded on this: I thought about my experiences, then wrote my talk and I think my original idea is correct, procrastination is mostly about the start. Only for uninteresting things or things you really dislike something else is going on. That something is difficult is not the issue in itself, that something is difficult should (or could) give you a challenge, that is how I experience it. ]

- He states about not immediately doing tasks: "It is hard therefore we don't want to do them.": that is incorrectly stated. It can be several factors. For me it being hard is not a factor. It being not fun or not interesting ARE factors. So, there are more interesting or more fun (or less annoying) things we can do first....

'Difficult' is perhaps used here in the sense of not wanting to do it...? No, seems not, see section at 14:30.

- He talks about fast sources of dopamine and that you feel bad after doing them, but I never feel bad after doing anything... And yet I do procrastinate sometimes... Especially this period need to deal with paperwork, bureaucracy, business preparations, then shopping, buying tools and supplies to finish some things about the house, and I need some time for myself, just relax, watching some TAS game videos or do discus throwing. Some matters I just do not do in this period unless they have to be done (taxes, paperwork for residence permit etc. These need to be done), because there is no time.

- ca. 8:30 he talks about fast food etc. influencing your mood: That is not true for everyone. It has no effect on me. Similarly cafeine does not affect me at all. I can drink as much tea as I want and/or a bottle of energy drink and go to sleep right after that. Further, sugar has no effect on me, I heard of sugar rush, but I do not experience that no matter how many sugary things I eat. I rarely eat real fast good and if I do then it is not giving me euphoria nor a bad feeling afterwards. Sometimes in NL I eat Chinese food, it is always fantastic, but I don't eat it often and it does not change how I feel. Note that if I ever feel euphoric I try to regulate it down because feeling very happy means that normal then feels like a depression. A friend wanted to do a high five recently for achieving something and I didn't like it because for me the small achievement was nothing to celebrate, it was "normal", and it was only one step of several more to go...

I sometimes feel unhappy but it is always caused by the realisation that something in life is not going as I would like, not by not having dopamine, it is about something specific that becomes clear at a certain point.

- 16:30 He says he doesn't take any calls in the evening because they might mention something about which he might worry. But I don't worry so such a rule is not necessary for me... (and for others who do not worry).

- 21:55 "Focus on becoming the person who can do the hard thing". I do that, hard things are the most interesting for me, but I still procrastinate. I don't want to do certain things... (things that are required but not interesting in any way).

Video: How to actually destroy procrastination in 56 seconds

His suggestion is similar to part of what I suggest: I say just start 10 minutes, then you easily continue for longer on the same day, or the hurdle to start again the next day will be lower because the initial start is the hardest. In the video it should have been explained better.

Video: The procrastination cure you don't want to hear

- He advocates removing all distractions. My criticism: This does not work for many things such as doing gardening work, house maintenance.

- Further he mentions boredom, solitary confinement, the latter being something that many people cannot deal with: I stated in a previous meeting in Kremenchuk that if I ever had to go to prison, I would want to be in solitary confinement! I am not afraid of my own thoughts, I start thinking about everything. For me it is positive...

- He says "dopamine detox will help you find the entertainment value in difficult things": For me, and there have to be others for which this is the case, this is irrelevant: Difficult = interesting. I like interesting...

- He then mentions, ca. 7:00 about starting, living in small space, no money, that it motivated him. But that is similar to being forced to not do procrastination: doing something when it is needed...!

- He mentioned being bored and editing videos was in that situation entertaining. For me when I get started I am automatically in the flow to do it. And yet I am never bored... I don't need to find it interesting beforehand, it is just what I do when I am working on it. [ Mckeown in "Essentialism" mentioned that people are not bored any more these days (smart phones, internet) and that boredom is good for you. I dealt with that in my criticism of the book: it is not needed at all. ]

I sort of agree, but it is only a problem in some cases. Procrastination is not about not wanting to do something boring, but not wanting to do effort that you know needs to be done anyway, and/or not wanting to deal with negative realisations that will come from doing that task (such as doing taxes, will remind you of money problems), so it can be avoidance of negative feelings that you know you could get. But, the delay achieves nothing. So why is there a delay: because instead you prefer to do things that are likely more pleasant and at the same time you can then stick your head in the sand like an ostrich and ignore the issue until you feel: need to do it now! It is not true that it is about delaying doing hard things. Once you start you can see whatever you do as a challenge, it becomes interesting, and the difficulty is not actually the cause for motivation or not. One guy talks about boring things, the other about difficult things. You could anticipate a failure (more likely with something difficult) and I think that is the reason. In a way the attitude of "I do the best I can and do not let circumstances influence my mood" (see my list of life) is a fix to this. So my talks about my list of life can be used to remove procrastination! But first you need to do the effort to put my method into practice!

Video: Why you procrastinate even when it feels bad

https://youtu.be/FWTNMzK9vG4 : Why you procrastinate even when it feels bad,
9.8M views · 3 years ago,
Youtube channel: TED-Ed

That should not be an issue if you are more self aware and use my "list of life"...

I regulate my feelings by the way, I don't let myself get 'too happy' for example because afterwards, normal then feels like depressed... So maybe this helps me, as he stated.

Video: The 15-second rule that makes procrastination impossible = Give me 23 minutes and I'll destroy your procrastination forever

Video on youtube: "The 15-second rule that makes procrastination impossible" video link?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EkDxsQRbIwo : Give me 23 minutes and I'll destroy your procrastination forever

The video title was apparently changed, because this web page mentions the original title, link, channel name: https://justrecap.it/recaps/the-15-second-rule-that-makes-procrastination-impossible-8abf1ca0e144470a9d1767425c701d40
The reason for the change of title of the video is possibly manipulation (search engine optimisation) because there are many videos with similar titles [ Titles of videos on youtube of the form: give me nnn minutes and xyz will happen ].

[ So, I found the title of the video again, of what was possibly the first video that I watched on this topic, I wrote it with a few comments, in an email to someone I know (Vlada), I wrote: