[ email | Criticism/analysis of society | Travelling | Projects | Goncharenko centre: Talks/discussions » Talk/discussion: Goncharenko centre Lviv, 2025-11-6: Doing effort to improve your life ]
Post event notes (such as clarifications, additions): These are in blue, mixed with the prepared text.
Translation: auto translation of this page into Ukrainian
As I have to be in Lviv for almost 3 weeks I decided to ask the Goncharenko centre in Lviv whether they would be interested in some talks similar to what I did in Kremenchuk. This time the emphasis will be first if all on changing your mindset to do effort and to not procrastinate.
The currently selected dates and times for meetings are:
I will take a few types of tea with me for you to try during the meeting, and something tasty with it. I was told coffee is available at the centre, but I don't know why you would want that stuff unless you are dying from thirst. Tea is much better :)
Hello and welcome to the tea club!
I have updated this page to indicate what we actually talked about:
- In standard black font is what I prepared,
- in blue font are what more we talked about in the meeting,
- in blue font between square brackets are my post meeting additions to clarify matters, so, this was not from talk in the meetings nor text that I had prepared to talk about.
- text in a gray block is prepared text that I didn't tell or only partly told, but that is useful as context information so I left it in this text that way. I moved the rest of the text that I had prepared but that we did not get round to, to the text file that I will use for the next meeting of 2025-11-10. There I will also update my comments about youtube videos on these topics that I originally placed here but I didn't get round to talk about those yet.
[ I expected that I would not get round to talk about everything that I had prepared due to this being an introductory meeting, and that turned out to be the case. Logically other topics came up from questions, such as: ]
- Why I chose to be in Ukraine: Well, because I like it here (nature, weather, colourful buildings, humour, nice big parks in most cities etc.). A guy from Canada, in a hostel Kharkov said I could find what I like in Latviav, Lithuania, so I decided to travel more and find out. Well, what I like in Ukraine, I didn't see in Hungary, Lithuania, Latvia, Poland, but I did see more of what I like in England. [ I had no interest to move to England for various reasons, cultural self-deprecation is one of them ]
I mentioned the customs in Ukraine and vishivanki (traditional dress) which I like whereas I don't like Dutch traditional dress [ which varies a lot per region, in particular those from Zeeland are very different from Volendam ], the colourful buildings, pastel coloured, blue, green, yellow, in many cities, Kharkov for example has a lot of them, then there are so many cool old train stations, Kharkov, Kiev and many others, whereas in NL most old train stations have been demolished, and I like in particular the many bus stops with mosaics and others such as Hawaian style in Berdyansk, Japanese style in Bila Tserkva etc.
Most attendees didn't know such colourful buildings, nor bus stops with mosaics...
- What about air raid alerts? (there was one 5 minutes before the meeting started, someone said). I mentioned that I barely take notice. Example: Kiev 2024, big explosions at about 7 in the morning, I was in a hotel, woke up from these explosions and thought "I will go back to sleep".
Further I mentioned the rocket attacks in October 2022 in Zaporizhya: I asked myself "Is this safe? No.". But, I wanted to do certain things... [ such as decide what to do with my life, in Ukraine ]
and so I decided "I will stay a few more days" [ after doing some calculations comparing the risk of a few days there vs the risk of an accident in traffic in NL for a year. ]
Then I mentioned drones flying over my house and the AFU shooting at them: It is actually cool! :)
I don't rush to any shelter [ in any city ] because then all I would do is live in shelters. In Kremenchuk there are air raid alerts every day, usually a few times per day.
The start, 2 questions:
[ I didn't get round to tell the following but I will leave it as background information for readers: ]
Note about me: I am not interested in status, wealth, and not much in pleasure, but in interesting things (knowing this is important to understand my mindset and how I got to this talk and my "list of life" that I will discuss later).
[ I didn't get round to tell the following but I will leave it as background information for readers: ]
It was in me, for example when I was little I remember thinking when seeing someone on the street while I was sitting in a bus: "what would his life be like, what is he thinking?".
[ After studying physics ] I got into programming and I was using Linux. I was amazed how unbelievably anti-social many of the people in programming and especially discussing Linux and licences, on forums and news groups were. Then I saw something similar with behaviour of people related to airport schiphol. This turned into an analysis over time of anti-social and manipulative behaviour which became the basis of my project to understand everything.
[ I didn't get round to tell this but I will leave it as background information for readers: ]
Later I got talking and writing to people in Ukraine and started writing down all my thoughts about anything which was the start of my project in earnest, about different thinking of men and women,
Do you need to know any of this? Well, no but:
- I want to know, to understand, and
- It can be useful to know, you can avoid a lot of situations and avoid annoying but especially manipulative people, when you know the signs.
- You can enjoy life more when you don't worry.
These started after an exchange of emails with a former member of a cult by a guy who calls himself "Shunyamurti" after which I decided to list principles of life which I call my "list of life", and the seeing someone who could use the information/advice in my list and then I thought about giving a talk, about this list. Someone [ who organised a meeting showing various unusual videos ] suggested the Goncharenko centre [ and a few days later I went there ].
I was disappointed in Kremenchuk with people not doing effort such as reading a book, whereas I do such effort because it is interesting.
One woman during a meeting in Kremenchuk said about not reading the book "Essentialism" that: "I didn't read it because you said it was bad". That was funny and I appreciate that but sometimes it is good to do something that you don't like, and to read a bad book is good now and then to sharpen your ability to analyse.
So I took a break from meetings in Kremenchuk and I wanted to start anew with talks on how to do more effort and how to get over procrastination (to delay doing what you should do or need to do).
The answer is: No! Several of the attendees mentioned this too: You may be too busy. It need not be about putting off but just not having time. I mentioned that for me this is the case with many things I want to do.
[ But the things that I really need to do, I do, usually well before any deadline. ]
A few others mentioned things like:
- changing habits (a book called "atomic habits", I will read that), and that to get a new habit takes 3 weeks or so. I said it depends on your personality. I will go into this in meeting 2.
- using a schedule of what to do/finish: I mentioned that I do not like to use lists (a schedule is a list), it is as if you become ruled by lists, instead of by yourself... (this is also what I strongly criticise about Covey's "7 habits of highly effective people").
I mentioned that I had thought about what I did the past 2 months and realised that if I always did what I felt I should do (to finish fixing my house, to do what is best for my business ideas, etc.) then I would never relax, I would be a work robot. Instead, I afford myself the opportunity to procrastinate in some matters and it may take a long time to get them done, but this way I enjoy life more...
Now about changing your mindset, it can come very quickly. I will give an example about Lviv. The first time in Lviv I didn't like it, noise from cars riding on cobble stone roads, the parks felt more like sport than relaxation. After being here for longer periods my view changed but my view about some of the very hilly parks stayed the same, until I went to one of these parks again and I saw a sign there about the park, that it is good for your health and I thought "Aha, I need to view them as being good for you, as sport!" and my negative view was immediately gone...
[ I told this to a part of the group during the tea break, so I will tell it again in the next meeting. ]
These talks came from my list of life, which came from my earlier analysis, after discussions in 2024, especially emails with a former member of the cult of 'shunyamurti' = a guy called Robert Shubow. I gave suggestions on how to get over having been indoctrinated, manipulated, in that cult. Then I had some talks with a friend who lives close to the house that I bought. I sent him my list and he liked it. Then I met a woman who could use it and thought about sharing it more. I ended up going to the Goncharenko centre in Kremenchuk. There was interest, but also I noticed that many people don't want to do effort. Perhaps they saw it more as interesting time together, entertainment even, rather than help to improve their lives. Some stated that to stop worrying is not possible. On the contrary, it is possible, but if they don't try then it will not happen! So here I want to try to address that, by looking at doing effort, and see whether that can be changed. [ I will also go over the problems in videos about this topic, that you can find on youtube. ]. In this introductory hour I will go over the essence with examples and suggestions how to improve your concentration, awareness and how to get over the hurdle of procrastination.
Avoiding effort is mostly about the start. Therefore try to make yourself start, doing just a little (say 10 minutes starting reading a new book or studying for a test), then you generally continue automatically for a while, an hour even, and it is then easier to continue later in the day or during the next few days. It becomes interesting or a challenge or just something you want to finish. [ not always, I will give an example of a book farther on that I didn't like to read ].
I mentioned that difficulty [ or rather expected difficulty ] as stated in most videos to be the issue with procrastination, is not actually generally the issue. For me difficulty means: challenge, interesting, good. It is more things that I find absolutely not interesting, that I delay doing. [ It even applies to things like making food. I have to get over the hurdle of making different food, say a change to making oat meal with milk, which I like, instead of bread or muesli. I find making food not interesting, so I often make what I had been making the days before. I eat mostly like a student because of this... :) ]
[ I only talked about a few points from the following section, but I will leave it here in total as background information for readers: ]
In the meeting someone mentioned the method of: You have for yourself the rule on acting upon reaching 1, so say or think 3,2,1 then do it. Of course this requires some discipline to get this in your mind as a rule that you need to follow and that is what I don't like about this idea, it feels as if you are programming yourself to follow rules. But I will try and see how it goes and whether I need to deprogram myself later :)
Some people mentioned the time for a habit to form (about 3 weeks or do), and I said it depends on your personality.
[ It can happen instantly. You can kick habits instantly too:
Examples:
- long ago I drank tea with sugar but it became more and more and I thought: This is a ridiculous amount! I decided to not take sugar in my tea any more. This way you taste the tea better and you can take a cookie separately instead, if you want sugar. I have never put sugar in my tea since that day.
(Side note: Try drinking tea right after strenuous exercise, you should experience the taste much stronger then, it is an interesting experience).
- My dad quit smoking one day and he never smoked again from that day on.
]
[ I only talked about a few points from the following section, but I will leave it here in total as background information for readers: ]
In various situations you just have finish and force yourself:
- a project for your work
- learn for a test in school or at university
- do paperwork for taxes
You can delay but the time limit will force you to do it, but doing that is often not optimal. You may not have studied the topic well enough to get a high grade or you forgot a tax deduction. [note that doing it early and thinking "if I finish now then it is behind me, no need to think about it any more", but that can lead to rushing. I did that earlier in the year with a tax form, I did it early, realised a few days later (the thought popped into my mind), that I forgot a VAT return, so I had to send in a correction. It was extra work because of earlier not taking enough time because of which I overlooked a VAT return... Do things without hurrying, start early and take your time (if you start early then you have the time to let everything sink in and thoughts should pop in your mind about important things that you can then incorporate into completing your task...)
Starting earlier with a task is better, so why not start earlier?
Start doing by doing a little bit of the task for just 10 minutes or so on the first day, then you get in the mood automatically.
It works:
Of course it can be that after starting you realise "this film is rubbish!", or "this book is stupid" and so on but you can then decide what to do: end watching/reading it or continue. I think the times I continued was always disappointed.
Usually there should be something that grabs your attention fairly quickly.
With the book "A good to the good life" by William Irvine, about stoicism, which someone with whom I discussed various topics recommended me to read after he read my talks/discussions at the Goncharenko centre in Kremenchuk, I had to take breaks. [ After 17 pages I was already strongly criticising the book and thus the author... ] This book is so stupid that it was no fun at all. I stopped at p.100, and I only read that far to analyse it. I took many breaks to get to that point. When I got to p.100 I had had enough, so I went to p.250 to see whether it would get any better. It didn't get better and I concluded that the writer is an idiot [ well, emotion poor, from which comes not understanding a lot in life ] and that reading that book is mostly a waste of time. I only read as much as I did because I mentioned that such a topic of stoicism could be interesting to talk about in the meetings in Kremenchuk.
Even in situations where you are forced to learn or do things before a deadline, it could be much better for yourself (in results and in experience) by doing things earlier, making preparations. I could have enjoyed my time studying physics/mathematics much more with more preparation and engagement...
But there are more things you can do that help you, such as help you to concentrate. I will go into that now.
Maybe a good example to try out, to make you all concentrate more:
in general in your life next few days:
I talked a bit more with a few attendees after the meeting and one of them mentioned that not everyone is lazy, but I said that it is natural, everyone really has it in some form. I too. [ it comes from nature ].
I will put here the text that I wrote as an introduction/about me, to the Goncharenko centre in Lviv:
About me: My name is Wouter Scholten (Ваутер Шолтен), I am from the Netherlands. I have done various things in my life, computer programming, selling and reviewing bicycle lighting, helping companies develop bicycle lighting according to the strict German rules, and more. But though I was never unhappy, I never felt at home in the Netherlands. I had a plan to move to Ukraine for many years and I could finally do that after renovating and after that selling my house in the Netherlands. And so I made preparations in 2022 and 2023 then moved to Ukraine in 2024. I travelled a lot in Ukraine, the first time I immediately liked the weather (hot in summer, cold in winter), nature (more wild and chaotic than in the Netherlands), I like talking to people here, people are more philosophical than in the Netherlands, I like humour which is more unusual. I can give some examples of that in the meetings. I also like a lot of old style buildings, there are many colourful buildings (with colourful roofs too, green, blue, even yellow, all of these I have not seen in the Netherlands), many beautiful train stations (small and big ones) and interesting bus stops. There seems to be an almost infinite variety of bus stops and I like especially those with mosaics. I made photographs of many of them on my trips. I travelled to about 65 cities and towns, rode almost 11000 km by bicycle (1000 km in 2023, 5000 km in 2024, almost 5000 km in 2025 so far) and each time it feels like an adventure.
- Now to the meetings: I had this idea to make people change their mindset into seeing an problems not as problems, to not worry and more which improves your lives. I do this myself, for example in October 2022 I experienced rocket attacks on Zaporizhya, and I thought "Is this safe? No." But I was not scared, I did some calculations on the chance of something happening compared to getting in an accident in traffic, and I decided to stay a few days longer... You can change your mindset in a few steps but it takes time. I organised meetings in Kremenchuk and it was clear that people prefer not to do effort. This is natural, it is nature, but it is not optimal for yourself. I want to give a few talks here about this topic.
As a preparation please watch this video which is about not procrastinating: [ I have not watched it myself yet either but it will be interesting to discuss whether the method here works, and I will tell how I do it to do effort for myself and to keep it interesting for myself even with things that are not what I would like to do ]: https://youtu.be/-2jZ-iOR8p4
So, I would like those who want to attend to prepare a little, watch this video: removing procrastination (video on youtube. [ 30 minutes ]
Will it work? What do you think? Watch it if possible before meeting 1, and try to implement if before the 2nd meeting, then we can talk about that in that 2nd meeting...
In the first meeting I will tell about my method and how it works...
(*) Oh, a note about my name: I wrote "My name is Wouter Scholten (Ваутер Шолтен)": Actually, Шолтен is not the correct transliteration, but it is what I use as it got used in official documents after the first translation of my passport. I didn't realise until after I saw it there, but it doesn't bother me. Correct would be Схолтен... Further, often when someone asks my first name, after I say 'Ваутер', what they hear and then say to confirm it, is 'Walter' (Валтер)... And usually when I repeat my name they still hear Walter. [ I think this is caused by an unfamiliar/uncommon sequence of sounds, i.e. in Russian and Ukrainian it just doesn't fit ]. Only a few times did a few people pronounce my name correctly immediately. The first time was last year (2024) in Rivne, a woman who worked in the exposition of the archeological site about the old owners of Rivne, in the Shevchenko park. I had an interesting talk with her about music, travelling in Ukraine, interesting places (she then suggested visiting the peninsula Ostvitsya), and much more. At some point she asked my name, so I told her and she pronounced it correctly the first time, no need to repeat my name. I was really surprised... But I don't care whether people pronounce my name correctly, it is not important, and I usually say "yes" or "close enough" if they ask to confirm whether what they said is correct. Even if someone were to call me something completely different, I don't care about it. This is part of my attitude of not letting (not just unimportant) matters affect me, and is part of the topics of meetings that I organised in Kremenchuk. These days in some countries there is an obsession with correct pronunciation and other nonsense: it is not important for names (for other words a fairly precise pronunciation is important so that people can understand each other and that there are no misunderstandings). There is an oft quoted line from Shakespeare's "Romeo and Juliet" that has a slightly different meaning in his play but which is used to state "you can use a different name to refer to the same person/thing", which is "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet". [ I use a bit different version of this: "A rose called by any other same is still the same rose" ]
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Copyright W.H.Scholten, 2025. To contact me you can email or send a message via telegram (via phone +31648816383), or via vk.com (https://vk.com/w.h.scholten, which I don't really use but I will get notified of messages from there). I don't use: facebook, linkedin, twitter. |