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Goncharenko centre 2025-8-24: Experiences in/near Vorokhta + a few psychological topics

Suggested topics by Vika in the Telegram group:

• introversion / extroversion
• is becoming rich worth it?
• do you believe in callings?
• should people stay in their comfort zone?
• is using social media important for people nowadays ?
• how can society identify intelligent people?
• can people achieve success alone?
• how can we identify manipulators?
• motivation/discipline
• psychological resilience – how some people thrive under pressure while others break
• luck or hard work – what really makes someone successful?
• should people dream big or stay realistic?

I found some tasty bulochkas (buns with fillings and toppings) at a Marketopt at the edge of Kremenchuk, the day before the meeting, so I made a detour the day of the meeting to let everyone who wanted to try one, try one, which meant that I got to the meeting ca. 20 minutes late (ca. 17:20). I bought the following tastes:
- Snickers (ok, but not special),
- French bun with poppy seeds (this had white chocolate and poppy seeds on top, and a bit sour filling, this was my favourite),
- bun with banana and cream cheese (pretty good).

A few people arrived late, but, on time because I was also late :)

We started with a funny comment that I remembered reading and then sending to a relative in a message on Telegram. I looked it up recently and saw that I wrote a few comments that are about psychology, directly after sending her that video/comment. One of these comments fit with the topic from last meeting: What to do if a relative or friend tells you something that you don't think is true? So I decided to incorporate them in this meeting. All were interesting and related to the upcoming topics on the list above so I started to discuss them first.

The funny comment was with this video:

#252. PANARACER GravelKing SK REVIEW - STRAVA KOM chasing!.

which I watched and with which I read the following comment, in Dec. 2019:

zerocool: Bro saw your face and it took me by surprise. You look like an ewok who wears glasses but has decided to shave a large proportion of his face to see what it looks like.

That comments is gone from default view, from youtube's manipulation of comments, except if you select 'Sort by': 'newest first'...

I asked a few attendees about the humour upgrade that I mentioned was needed when I showed the Red Dwarf clip about a blue alert, and one of them mentioned something that I didn't know, and that I needed such an upgrade: No, knowledge is not humour. You may need some knowledge to see why a comment is funny but in this case all you needed to know is: 'what is an ewok, what does he look like', and I showed images for those not familiar with the original Star Wars film "Return of the Jedi", but other than that the humour is self-contained in the comment. It is such an unusual thing to say...

Then a talk about a recent trip by one of the attendees to a city in the region where I had been in June: Vorokhta. I had been there only briefly, on the way through to Krivopillya, and then a day later to take from there the train to Oleksandria (and the next morning I cycled 80 km from Oleksandria to my house).

She liked the area, climbed some hills, and maybe it would be nice to hear more about this... Written or spoken.

Then to the psychological comments:

• Megan Markle: A narcissist, manipulator. I sent a message to my sister in 2019 about her, and mentioned that there was a letter that showed how she only cared about herself. A big clue to recognising manipulators is an always present half smile or quarter smile, and she has such a half smile. One of the attendees mentioned being taught to smile, yes, but that is not a problem, the issue is that such people always have a smile and it is insincere. You can recognise those facial expressions. To me they are a dead give away to an anti-social manipulator. I disagreed with my sister who said she was badly treated in 'tabloids'. Well, I mean that I didn't think that that was it that caused the problems [ the problem was and still is that woman Markle herself, always complaining, other people are always the problem, never happy others should pay for her security despite making an insane amount of money from I think it was Netflix, etc. ]. I mentioned this to continue with a question from the end of the previous meeting, which was on how I deal with disagreeing with friends/family: I stated that I would not just accept what any relative says, as being true. There have to be facts. The facts state that Markle is the problem, not others. What my relative then says I will keep in mind [ to perhaps adjust my view in future ] but not accept as true. I state my views and the reasons for those views.
  
  Further, in the meeting I said that she was already an actress, so she should be able to deal with criticism. What would attendees do with fame? How to deal with criticism?
  
  This was an interesting discussion: Some mentioned not reading the criticism, one guy mentioned criticism can be useful, correct, you can improve your understanding or ability by thinking about whether the criticism is valid. I gave an example about my website about bicycle lighting. I mention for example that from principles flashing tail lights are bad, and I saw then no need for a brake light because bicycles can't decelerate very quickly and following traffic can see what might cause the need to brake, because bicycles are narrow (so following traffic sees around them), so they can mentally prepare already. Cars block a lot of the view, especially for other motorists in cars, so for cars brake lights are essential. Then someone emailed me about having to brake for tram tracks in a city [ to safely cross them it can be better to slow down ]. You don't notice (don't need to notice) tram tracks in a car but they are a hazard for bicycles if not crossed at the right angle because of the narrow width of bicycle tyres that can get stuck in the tracks [ I made a fall in Germany caused by such an issue on a bicycle tour in 2013 ]. I felt this was not a strong reason for brake lamps but good enough to mention it, so I added this situation on my site as a possible case in which a brake lamp on a bicycle could be useful.
  I disregard personal criticism (if people criticise others, what they really do in almost all cases, is simply tell something about themselves, about their likes/dislikes/preferences, and almost invariably they do not give valid criticism). An actor/actress should not take it personally, and should be prepared for it. Some actors/actresses never read reviews... One attendee said "my agent would handle it" :) But can you really avoid reading any comments and not hearing any talk about yourself? Probably not, and then what do you do? You should be able to deal with criticism...
  
  
  
• A German language video: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mewbzQdtxGY
  Title, start of description:
  

  Attraktiv wirken – 5 anziehende Eigenschaften und Verhaltensweisen für mehr Attraktivität! Mit sympathischer Körpersprache und guter Kommunikation steigern Sie Ihre Anziehung.

  Translated: To appear attractive – 5 appealing traits and behaviours for more attractiveness! With pleasant body language and good communication you will increase your attractiveness.
  
  What is this? This is pure BS, manipulation! How about doing what is right, what is normal, no game playing, truth, do what is good, do what makes sense, etc.?
  
  
• The following was not part of the messages I sent to a relative, but related: I recalled a video by a woman with a channel called 'your wingmam', who is really manipulating, about dating, recommending men to play games in dating because women do that. Well, men started it! Women are more serious, but what women do is a response to men... (partially caused by feminism) This game playing is not something that should be stimulated, it is disgusting! This woman is just making such videos for clicks/money. I can't stand her. [ Her youtube name implies that she is a 1) woman who 2) is your wingman, i.e. someone who looks out for you, so for men in general, which is a total lie. ]
  
  
• Video by a guy called Kirk Honda from 'psychology in Seattle, a video (but it is only audio), on youtube about the cult NXIVM. I mentioned what made clear to me that he is a wimp:
  1) A neighbour had an outside refrigerator, but things went missing from it. Then at some date during the day Kirk Honda went back home, and the neighbour was just about done cutting the branches of one of Honda's trees. This is a tree with branches going to the ground, and a homeless guy was 'living' there, hidden from view because of the branches, and taking stuff from that refrigerator. Well, the neighbour had no right to cut anything from Honda's garden. He made his problem (put a lock on your refrigerator!), the problem of Honda. What did Honda do? Guesses were that he probably just said something. No, he did nothing. He talked with another guy in that video who said something like "you have to live there". Well in the meeting I stated my view, and what I did with neighbours in NL. I did what needed to be done! This Kirk Honda didn't do what was needed. One attendee said it would likely not do much to talk to such a guy who just cut down part of your tree, correct, but you need to do something. This is what another attendee said: You need to do something to prevent it happening again or someone can feel emboldened to do what he wants in future... Correct! This guy Honda is a psychologist and
  a) he doesn't have the balls to deal with an anti-social neighbour, and
  b) he also doesn't realise the importance of criticism and of consequences to people's actions, to change people's behaviour, so he did not give this guy feedback, no stating that what he did was unacceptable. He should even have called the police. I recounted an example of what I did with one neighbour whom I didn't like. This neighbour put a note in the letterbox one day that the next Friday would be a party and that they had permission from the police until, I think it was, 01:00 in the morning. I called the police and they knew of nothing. In fact the police cannot give permission for a party going on too late for the normal noise rules, at all! So I put a note in their letterbox that the police don't know anything about their party and I called them a derogatory name... I don't care what anti-social people think of me, I don't care about being on friendly terms with such people, instead I will do whatever is needed...
  
  2) he said it would be awful if someone at your work doesn't like you. Unbelievably wimpy!
  
  Why care about what others think of you?

I prepared text with comments for all topics listed above but we only got around to discuss a few so I will save the remainder of my comments for the topics that we didn't talk about, for next time. That may be in 3-4 weeks (2025-9-14 or 2025-9-21) because I will go to NL for 2 weeks, then to Lviv, then return to Kremenchuk.

I wrote this before the meeting (but I forgot to upload this and didn't have it on my phone, only on my PC, so didn't read from it to guide the talk).

8. how can we identify manipulators?: Half smile/quarter smile, from the way they talk they will say things that go to a certain direction. Example: An electrician who came to my house to install a new electrical cabinet, could also do rewiring of the electrical system in the house and said about that "I'm thinking along with you" and I immediately thought "He is thinking along with his wallet". In the end you can always recognise them from what they want to achieve. But you need to realise what they want to achieve. Example: I saw a comment early in the war about tanks. One guy wrote something like (I have a screenshot somewhere) "Are you sure that it is a T72 it looks like a Ukrnazi T64. The point was not to doubt the identification of the type of tank, but to talk negatively about Ukraine. This was obviously a ruzzian propagandist, but some people responded to it "yes, it really is a T72 because...", so I commented something like: "Guys, the point was not to talk about the identification of the type of tank, but...". In general manipulation is like magic, people try to make something look different than it is and they direct your attention away from what could expose the trick [ such as making you look at his right hand with big hand movements but in fact with the left hand he is doing something essential ]. What helps manipulators with this is that they use the wishes of people against them. People "want to believe that something is true". It could be a very low price for an object, or the prospect of making money without much effort.

I mentioned half smile/quarter smile in the meeting [ and in a few earlier meetings ], and that you need to be aware of what people want to achieve. I mentioned the example of the tank above and that in general you need to think: "What is this person trying to achieve?".

What about movement of the hands, one attendee asked? Well, I never paid attention to that. In conversations you normally look at the face, and that is very telling, along with what that person says [ look for signs of wanting to make you think in a certain direction, such as the example of the email about flashing taillamps, a bit farther on ], then you know whether someone is trying to manipulate you.

I mentioned the story of one guy sending me an email, that I should change my view on flashing tail lamps, because he got into an accident. No, flashing tail lamps are bad, in almost all situations, as I describe on my site. I read the email and was thinking on how to respond, friendly or harsh. [ I didn't want to analyse his email in more depth at that point.] I decided: harsh. I wrote that he was selfish, trying to make himself safe at the cost of others by making the whole road less safe. My reply [ from feeling what was the right way to respond ] turned out to be the correct one. This guy was an anti-social manipulator. He sent me a nutty/anti-social follow up email upon which I decided to analyse the first email and I put it on my site with comments. It was interesting how he was trying to manipulate me into accepting his view in his first email. See: Analysis of type of emails that I won't respond to in future: a manipulator (email from a guy responding to what I wrote on my bicycle website about what is best for tail lamps regarding safety and other factors). Here the manipulation is clear already from using "should" so often.

I mentioned dealing with ruzzian propagandists: I call them ivan, and sometimes I later see, when clicking on the thumbnail to see a bit more about the user, that the person responded to an earlier comment I made about him. I don't care, I don't read responses from such people and I will call them ivan again even if I have read that he stated that that is not his name (who cares?), as a sign for others to know that this is a ruzzian propagandist. I could go into their tactics used at some point. I mentioned that there are:

• Paid propagandists (could be from ruzzia, western Europe, USA, India, Africa)
• Indoctrinated idiots who side with ruzzia.
• People who hate their government in western Europe or the USA and who go against their government and thus with ruzzia, thinking the ruzzian government is better, or something like that.
• [ And then there are, I didn't mention this in the meeting:
  - crazy people.
  - people from Africa who side with ruzzia because they were on their side in some conflict long ago. ]

After dealing with manipulation, I asked one of the attendees to select a topic from the list. The choice was: No. 2, Becoming rich.

The following topics are connected, and here is what I wrote down before the meeting (again, I didn't read what I wrote down to guide the talk but because of my preparation it would have made no difference):

2. Becoming rich: I never wanted to strive towards making a lot of money because that could change my goals in life, the way I am. I later thought that perhaps I should have done it as it would give me more opportunities...

7. can people achieve success alone?: You need to have luck, that people are interested in your ideas. A good idea at the wrong time does not give success. Hard work alone does not give success.

11. luck or hard work – what really makes someone successful?: See 7: You always need luck.

From the meeting: Would people want to be rich?

Generally yes but there was a discussion, because you don't get rich instantly. Attendees gave various comments but missing was this one which was essential for me: You may change, in personality or from habit, to be always chasing money. I mentioned Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon. He could have retired many years ago and then do whatever he liked, well, liked more than business. Travelled, hobbies, anything. But perhaps instead of just being a workaholic, he really liked doing what he did, to create his business and then he always did what he really liked. but many rich people are workaholics and they are in a habit, not doing what they would really like to do.
Also an example of a habit is that I became in some ways stingy, I did not spend much on my self, and I am still hesitant to do do that, even for things that could be useful such as tools. Thiscomes from that for many years I had not much money and had to improvise, use other (non-optimal) tools to do what I wanted to do and generally spend almost nothing on what I wanted, mostly on what was useful for house renovation and business. The only comparable situation was long ago in secondary school, not wanting to spend money in the lunch break at school on sweets because: I needed my money for my hobbies! But, buying sweets was absolutely not an interest of mine in any case so I didn't deprive myself of anything.

Related to habits is also this: I have been dealing with 'problems' to solve especially the last 2 years, and even not considering them problems it means doing things that need to be done, for too long, too often, rather than doing things that I really like or find interesting. It means having developed a habit of being in a state of problem solving and not enjoying life even when there are no problems. I could have enjoyed especially the last year (2024-2025) much more, I realised...

One attendee asked what I did for work: Well, I always did what I liked, from hobbies. I never chased money, though later I thought about it, should I have done that?

Copyright W.H.Scholten, 2025. To contact me you can email or send a message via telegram (via phone +31648816383), or via vk.com (https://vk.com/w.h.scholten, which I don't really use but I will get notified of messages from there). I don't use: facebook, linkedin, twitter.